


I Thought You Were Joking!

by LeSinner



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys Being Idiots, Boys In Love, F/M, Golden boy Naruto, Haku and Zabuza together are dangerous for Naruto's heart, Jealous!Sasuke, M/M, M/M/M, Multi, Naughty Haku and Zabuza, Pining!Sasuke, Player!Sasuke, Rumor mills, Sasuke bottoms for nobody but Uzumaki, Sasuke sleeps with other people but is only mentioned in passing, Slightly oblivious Naruto, Stalking into submission, Threesome, Uzumaki stamina, Zabuza is a smooth and sexy older motherfucker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 12:02:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2692256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeSinner/pseuds/LeSinner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto Uzumaki breaks up with the spoiled Sex Fiend/Hottest Booty on campus Sasuke Uchiha, the player who played. </p><p>In hindsight, Sasuke should’ve realized Naruto was serious about the no-sex-with-other-people thing.</p><p>Now Sasuke's determined to win Naruto back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gentleman on the streets, but a beast in the sheets

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda crack. So like, in the Naruto world, Naruto never gets tired of chasing Sasuke. In this AU, Naruto does get sick of it, and there are people more than willing to help Naruto forget allll about Sasuke.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

 

Naruto slid inside the hot piece of ass that was Sasuke Uchiha for the nth time tonight (his Uzumaki stamina was unbeatable, yes it was!). Oh, how he adored the sounds the Uchiha made when he was pounding on that prostrate.

 

But then, no amount of hot, delicious sex was going to sway him from his decision tonight. The moment he walked in and found remnants of other lovers in Sasuke’s room he made his choice. An abandoned bra hanging off a chair arm, a used and forgotten condom by the bed, and other irritating mementos.

 

Sasuke was supposed to be Naruto’s alone, just as Sasuke promised. Naruto sighed. And to think Naruto swore he would not be used again (damn that Shion, daring to use him as a stud and chain him to her).

 

A hand jerked his face roughly down for a wet kiss.

 

Naruto stared and swore his cock throbbed. Sasuke was drooling with sex-crazed eyes and a dripping, red penis.

 

Sasuke was really fucking sexy.

 

Naruto was… he was actually going to miss their unbridled chemistry and strange understanding of the other.

 

“Stop being so fucking distracted! Focus on me, look at me! You’re riding me bareback and I never let anyone else do that – what could be more interesting than me right now?!”

 

_ Ugh.  _ Ok, so Naruto isn’t sure he’d miss  _ this _ part of Sasuke. 

Man. Sasuke was, by far, the pushiest, most demanding bottom he’s ever had the pleasure of boning. And the tsundere-est (Did the word exist? Meh. Naruto doesn’t care). 

 

Sasuke painted a pretty picture all right, but his words irked Naruto. Naruto gave a hard, punishing kiss that only – apparently – served to heighten Sasuke’s pleasure.

 

Naruto sneered, but diligently fucked Sasuke’s hole with long strokes and amazing precision.

“You’re a greedy cat, Sasuke. You’re a greedy, greedy slut.”

 

Sasuke moaned, turned on by the harsh thrusts and dirty talk. Naruto was, by then, feeling irked, but his cock felt good so. Whatever. For now.

 

“Yes, yes,  _ yes, fuck yes _ . I love it, you can fuck me all night long and never stop and I want you to fuck me until I faint into a sex coma! Come on, come on! No one else can  –  _ Oh! _ ”

 

Naruto’s eyes turned flinty. While his hips worked on getting Sasuke off (again), he decided, enough was enough. His temper was held at bay the whole night, but hearing from Sasuke about his other lovers was the final straw. 

 

“You love how I fuck you? You love how I make you cum until you cum dry?”

 

Sasuke panted, moaned, and writhed. He always put up a good fight, but Naruto was king. He gripped strong, tan forearms seeking purchase while under the mercy of Naruto’s breath-stealing pace.

 

“Fuck yes, you’re the only one who can fuck me like this!”

 

“Hmm?” Naruto scowled a bit. “Yet you screw other people when I’m gone? You think that’s ok with me?”

 

Sasuke did not look the least bit guilty and this did nothing for Naruto temper. Did he really think this was ok?

 

“You were –  _ oh, fuck _ – gone for a week! I have needs! They couldn’t measure up to you but – “

 

Naruto snarled furiously and surged relentlessly into Sasuke, aiming at his prostrate with every sliding thrust.

 

Sasuke couldn’t get a word out, instead releasing loud, yowling moans. By then Naruto was so pissed his hips picked up the pace as he sucked harshly high up the column of Sasuke’s neck.

 

“Enjoy it while you can,” Naruto growled. “I’ve pandered to your every whim tonight, Sasuke, and I’ve made you come more times than you ever have in a single night. Remember that! Remember that no one else has ever done that for you before.”

 

Sasuke whimpered below him with the barrage of pleasure, but his creased eyebrows and slightly alarmed eyes told Naruto Sasuke was finally getting a clue.

 

“Tonight is the last, Sasuke.” Naruto grunted, straining with the pace he set, struggling with the sudden squeezing tightness of Sasuke’s hole. 

 

Between wet kisses, harsh suction, a furiously pumping hand, and a hard and fast pace that set the bed banging against Sasuke’s wall, Naruto said it.

 

“I’m not gonna be fucking you anymore. We’re done.”

 

Sasuke’s hole tightened unbearably, cumming  _ hard _ with the strangest mix of excruciating pleasure and panic.

 

**“** **_Na-ahhn-ru, wha-ohfuckfuckfuck! Stop! Ah! You can’t brrreak up with me during sex!”_ **

 

Naruto swooped in for as steamy a kiss as possible, and willed his presence to be seared upon Sasuke in bites and kisses as his own orgasm crashed into him, gushing hotly and endlessly into Sasuke.

 

When Naruto barely calmed down, he pulled back to look down upon Sasuke. Sasuke was barely clinging to consciousness – just as Sasuke wished for, actually – but there was still some awareness left.

 

Naruto leaned down to press soft, tender kisses upon Sasuke’s lips, cheeks, eyelids and forehead.

 

“I could’ve loved you, you know. You were a jerk, but you could’ve been  _ my _ jerk.”

 

Naruto pulled out of Sasuke gently just as Sasuke completely succumbed to his exhaustion.

 

Naruto cleaned up a bit, took his usual care in tending to Sasuke. Then with one last kiss on Sasuke’s lips, and a rueful smile, he showed himself out of Sasuke’s apartment.

 

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

 

When Sasuke woke, he woke with that bone-deep, just-fucked satisfaction. His hips ached and his hole was no doubt a bit sore, but it was a delicious, wonderful experience that only Naruto could –  _ Naruto! _

 

Sasuke shot up the bed, ignoring the twinges of pain shooting up from his hips. He looked around his room and found no trace of Naruto at all, except for the overwhelming scent of a night full of sex. 

 

He looked down upon himself and worried he was crusted with cum but found that Naruto had, as he usually did, taken care of Sasuke post-sex, cleaned him up nicely and left painkillers by the bedside with water.

 

Sasuke clambered off the bed with shaky legs and deliciously achy muscles – a fact that would’ve kept Sasuke absolutely delighted the whole day were it not for the growing sense of dread that grew with the glaring absence of Naruto.

 

In the trash by his table, he saw gathered bits of discarded belongings from the lovers he had brought home while Naruto was gone. Sasuke clenched his hand. 

 

_ Was this… was this all about that? Naruto  _ **_knows_ ** _ I love sex – I….  _

 

Not bothering to dress himself, he left his bedroom and meandered about his spacious apartment, calling out for Naruto with a hoarse, sex-ruined voice.

 

When he reached the counter, there was coffee already in the maker and a note tacked on.

 

_ It was fun while it lasted, Sasuke. Have a good life. _

 

Sasuke’s hand trembled as he read the note.

 

Then, furiously –  _ wretchedly, miserably _ – Sasuke flung the mug set out for Sasuke’s use.  _ Fuck. _ He remembered all the warning signs last night. All the words exchanged and he cringed at his idiocy, at the flint in Naruto’s eyes, and the coldness in his chest.

 

**_“You know that by being with me, you can’t be with others anymore, right? There’s no turning back, Sasuke, I swear, I’ve been in bad relationships before – one strike and you’re out, understand?”_ **

 

 ** _Sasuke keened._** **_He’s been wanting Naruto for, like, forever, and now that he was there, he wanted him now, damn it! All Naruto had to do was enter the bedroom with him and BOOM, Naruto would be his. Show him what this Uchiha badass had._**

 

**_“Yes, yes, I know already, just, just – fuck me already, Naruto! I’ve been waiting for you for too long, come on!”_ **

 

**_Naruto chuckled and finally gave in to Sasuke’s shepherding into the bedroom._ **

 

**_“Relax. I’ll make this a night we’ll both remember.”_ **

 

Then just as suddenly, Sasuke pulled himself together. So he didn’t know Naruto was serious about the no-sex-with-other-people thing. Now he knew. 

Between the twinks and bitches he screwed, he’d pick Naruto every time. He was fucking lonely and he wanted a warm body, surely Naruto would understand? He needed sex – everyday, damn it. 

 

Sasuke startled as he felt wetness between his thighs. Sasuke’s blood heated up – it was Naruto’s cum, dripping down his asshole. No one else has ever been in his ass and now Sasuke was missing that cock with the blond curls.

 

Naruto wanted him enough before. He’d just have to remind Naruto how much Naruto wanted Sasuke.

 

_ I could’ve loved you _ , Naruto said. Sasuke wiped up the dripping cum and licked it off his finger. 

 

Sasuke would remember those words. And remember the taste of Naruto. 

 

Maybe he’d flaunt himself a little. Make Naruto a bit jealous or something. Yeahhh. That knucklehead will be back for Sasuke. He was sure of it.

 

Sasuke decided he’d deal with it first thing Monday. He completely memorized Naruto’s schedule

 

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

 

Naruto sighed. His weekend was absolute crap. He was kind of hoping he could spend it with his sort of boyfriend with amazing I-missed-you-sex and I-missed-you-more-cuddles, but… eh. At least he caught himself before he fell in too deep.

 

It hurt, but. Some things in life were just non-negotiable for him. He may be an absolute clown sometimes, but when Naruto took a stand, it was uncompromising; those were the things that Naruto firmly believed in and were what made Naruto, Naruto.  

 

Whatever. Naruto figured he should’ve known. Sure, so long as he was around, Sasuke’s appetite was more than sated, but leave Sasuke alone for more than a few days and things just… kinda fall apart.

 

Maybe he wasn’t enough? Maybe Sasuke just didn’t care as much as Naruto thought….

 

Naruto shook his head. Of course Sasuke didn’t care. Which was why breaking up with Sasuke (during sex) was best. He didn’t want to be reeled in again by Sasuke’s beguiling ways.

 

“Naruuuu!”

 

Naruto’s head shot up. Naruto searched for the person calling his name, and like a balm to his soul, he spied a slender male with waist-long hair carrying an armful of books.

 

It was Haku. Haku was always a soothing, warm, and comforting presence.

 

“Haku! Heyyy, I didn’t know you had classes on Mondays!” Naruto quickly made his way to the slightly older male to take some of the load off.

 

Naruto smiled. Haku was a very beautiful man. When Haku looked up into Naruto’s eyes, Naruto swore he saw the stars and moon in them. 

 

Then he remembered Sasuke. Sasuke’s eyes used to glimmer like jewels, full of naughtiness and mischief. Like an endless, glimmering ocean of possibilities.

 

“Naru?” 

 

“Ah, sorry, what?”

 

Haku paused as he surveyed the blond. Something was off.

 

“I said, my class was dissolved and surprise, surprise! We moved into your section.” Then, leaning softly into Naruto’s side, asked, “Is there… something wrong, Naru? You look kinda down.”

 

Touched and a little warmed by Haku’s concern Naruto gave Haku an impromptu one-armed hug. Though slightly squished up to Naruto, Haku didn’t mind. Naruto  _ was _ chiseled, and his warmth just made him wonderful cuddle material.

 

“Meh. I’ll tell you later. Let’s head on to class first. It’s kind of a long-ish story.”

 

Haku nodded against Naruto’s chest. Wanting to cheer Naruto up, Haku pretended to slyly nuzzle Naruto’s bicep, squeezing the arm hanging down his chest. “Suuuure. Just keep these wonderful arms on me, k? You can be my eye candy while Zabuza’s out. Wink, wink, nudge, nude.”

 

Naruto started and missed a step, suddenly laughing loudly in the hall. “Haku, you damn opportunistic flirt!”

 

Haku grinned, and moved to nuzzle Naruto’s chest. “Aww, Nawuu-chan, you need to share your muscles, you know. My genes won’t let me so… I’ll just have to live vicariously!”

 

Naruto looked on, amused, but did no move to stop Haku even when he got a tad bit handsy. Besiiiides, Haku did have Zabuza. And, well, Zabuza didn’t look like the type to share, and neither was Haku the type to stray.

 

See. Naruto needed a man like Haku. A man who wouldn’t stray.

 

“Haven’t you had enough from Zabuza today, Haku?”

 

Haku smirked with a telling, leery look. “You know, Zabuza likes your muscles, too.  _ And _ your ass. Wanna give it a go? I know  _ Zabuza _ does.”

 

Naruto blushed, so apparently it wasn’t cheating if both Haku and Zabuza were in on it? He was just about to turn Haku down when an unmistakable presence made itself known.

 

“Moved on already, Naruto? After leaving without even a word. How cruel.”

 

It was Sasuke. With a gaggle of bitches practically hanging on him. Well, trying to, at least. Sasuke’s arms were crossed on his chest and despite the bored tone, Sasuke looked furious, with his lips subtly pursed and his eyes cutting diamond.

 

Haku looked on with wide, blinking eyes, still clinging unabashedly onto Naruto. “Naru… what’s going on?”

 

Naruto stilled. He forcibly reigned in the heartache he felt at seeing the crowd Sasuke wasted no time in surrounding himself with. Naruto swallowed.

 

_ He’s the one who moved on. Not me. _

 

“Looks like the same could be said for you,” Naruto pointedly said, gesturing in the posse’s general direction.

 

But Sasuke, curiously, looked anything but smug. He looked even more furious than before.

“But  _ I’m _ not the one who left in the middle of the night, was I? After going at it all night I thought you’d have had enough.”

 

Naruto glared at Sasuke, wondering just what the hell the bastard’s problem was. Surely leaving without a word was the norm when Sasuke dealt with his flings? Naruto couldn’t have been the first.

 

“Sasuke, you  _ know _ why I left. And I always keep my word. It was too much for you, obviously. It’s better this way,” Naruto ended. He didn’t want to give away everything to the quickly gathering crowd, it was their business alone.

 

Then, before Sasuke could get a word in, Naruto gripped an unresisting Haku closer to him and left as speedily as possible.

 

And Sasuke, as though unbelieving at having been left behind like that, positively snarled.

“He won’t be enough to satisfy you, Naruto! Tch. You’ll be begging me to take you back!”

 

Haku turned his head to throw a glance back at Sasuke.

“He’s… an attention whore, isn’t he? And really spoiled, ne?” Haku said from beneath Naruto’s arm.

 

Naruto grumbled. “Man, don’t I know it. Those types are just the worst to fall in love with.”

 

Naruto missed the wide-eyed stare Haku gave him. He didn’t even realize he just outed his feelings.

 

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

 

By late afternoon the rumor mill had finally worked its magic. Haku was only too happy to report to Naruto all he heard.

 

Now practically everyone knew about the “break-up.” Though in all honesty, they had absolutely no idea the blond Adonis and the campus player were even dating. Or that Uchiha was even capable of it.

  
  


**Surprisingly, there were a lot of positive words for the blond.**

 

“But! But Uzumaki’s a great guy! He’s practically perfect! How could the Uchiha break up with him?”

 

“No, you idiot! The Uchiha was  _ dumped _ , man. Dunno, man. Not our business.”

  
  
  


**There were the opportunistic.**

 

“Eh. So you’re telling me Naruto was taken – and is no longer? So, like, he’s single, right?”

 

“… You’re such an opportunist. But yeah, he’s up for grabs.”

 

“And what about Uchiha Sasuke?”

 

“Man. So long as you’ve got what it takes and make the cut, he won’t mind playing with you.”

  
  
  


**There were those who refused to believe Naruto was actually interested in sex.**

 

“Really?? Girls throw themselves at him, boys just, I dunno, present themselves before him, and he’s never taken a single bite out of all that! You can’t expect me to believe he’s capable of dating! He’s like, immune to flirtation! He’s like Captain Thanks-But-No-Thanks!”

 

“It’s coz he was  _ already dating someone _ ! Get a clue! He  _ does _ have a dick, you moron.”

  
  
  


**Then there were also some haters (who secretly admired Naruto).**

 

“Totally not surprised I-help-out-at-the-shelter Uzumaki couldn’t keep up with Uchiha. Uchiha’s a wild thing, you know? Wonder if Uchiha broke Mr. Sunshine’s heart.”

 

“Right. Uzumaki’s too much of a goody-goody and shit– he couldn’t handle Uchiha. And yeah he prolly did.”

 

“But, like… I guess Uzumaki deserved better? He’s… he’s a nice guy.”

 

“… yeah. And… I guess he  _ could _ handle Uchiha? I mean, I heard they went all night? And he was limping! I heard the Uchiha always tops, so, like… maybe Uzumaki isn’t shit?”

  
  
  


**And finally, there were Sasuke’s own string of lovers.**

 

“They finally broke up! Knew it couldn’t last! Uzumaki just couldn’t cut it after all, ha!”

 

“Don’t act so smug. Sasuke only rings you up when Uzumaki’s not around. Which was really only last week.”

 

“How the fuck did you know?!”

 

“Simple, bizznatch. I’m their neighbor. When Uzumaki screws Sasuke, Sasuke tears the walls down – he fucking yowls in bed, ayt? And Sasuke let’s nobody fuck his hole but Blondie.”

 

“Wait. You could hear us having sex?”

 

“Naaah, dipshit. I could hear  _ them _ fucking  _ for hours _ . You and the rest? Like. You guys don’t even register. And sometimes, on the balcony, Sasuke gets all clingy and cuddly. Bet you he just kicks you out right after, ne?”

 

“Shut up, asshole.”

  
  
  
  


Haku was absolutely delighted with all he heard.

 

His dear friend Naruto was becoming something of a romantic hero (despite doing all the dumping).

He was rising higher and higher in the esteem of their peers. And while Sasuke’s parting words were angry and jealous, it did wonders for Naruto’s appeal.

 

In fact, on the online university communities, Naruto’s been dubbed “A gentleman on the streets, but a beast in the sheets.”

 

Naruto was tickled pink (though a bit distressed the world knew of his fucked up relationship) but still entirely too embarrassed at being painted so favorably. 

 

Haku and Zabuza, on the other hand, found a sheepish and embarrassed Naruto  _ absolutely _ adorable. They wasted no time trying to lure him into  _ their _ bed.

 

And Sasuke? He got steadily angrier and angrier. He loved that people thought him a standard of his own, a wildcat in bed, and an absolute force to reckon with, but  _ why the fuck did they have to keep talking about Naruto _ ? Naruto this, Naruto that,  _ shit _ , everyone kept looking at Naruto now. Not that Sasuke was stalking Naruto or anything (yeah, totally not!) but all the talk about their supposed break-up just kept putting Naruto under the spotlight! He  _ really _ hated it when people looked at Naruto. He really did.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. We'll take care of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke stood from his perch and stalked towards the group to see what was going on.
> 
>  
> 
> “Sweet. Look at them go!”
> 
>  
> 
> “That Haku’s gonna get the ride of his life, I bet! Man, I wish they’d ride me. Think they go for vajay-jays?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Woah, woah, look, Zabuza’s got his hand in Naruto’s pants!”
> 
>  
> 
> Someone started panting heavily just before he started shrieking. “Oh. My. God. Haku’s pants are getting off and Naruto’s - wow!”
> 
>  
> 
> Suddenly enraged, Sasuke shoved his way to the kid holding up his phone for everyone to see -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO, I'M ALIVE, YES.

Naruto _knew_ that leaving Sasuke was necessary for his mental and emotional well-being, but for the past two weeks his sanity was slowly crumbling to pieces.

 

Everyday, Sasuke was there, strutting around, bending down low, posing in his best angles, with a posse, without a posse, gorgeous and beautiful and entirely too aware that Naruto’s eyes were drawn to him.

 

Sasuke would be wherever Naruto was, without fail! He would sit directly within Naruto’s line of sight, or at the very fringe of it, and would somehow grab his attention. Sometimes Sasuke would spread his legs wide, or his group would be the rambunctious kind, calling for attention.

 

And the stares, the fucking stares! Back then, Naruto would always feel someone’s eyes on him, he was attractive, and he understood that. But lately, eyes were always measuring him, lusting after him, curious and covetous.

 

It seems managing to be the _dumper_ rather than the _dumpee_ when Sasuke was involved – enough to want Naruto back, even – was some sort of advertisement on his back, chest, arms, legs, and crotch. People would touch him with sticky hands and trace his form with lingering eyes, and Naruto was absolutely freaked.

 

_Thank the ramen gods for Haru and Zabuza!_

 

Haku would make sure to distract Naruto whenever Naruto’s eyes lingered or misted with longing and hurt around Sasuke. He would sweetly coax Naruto into playing with Haru instead, distracting him with playful little games. He was a gentle presence that soothed Naruto’s ache with warmth and friendship.

 

Zabuza on the other hand, though a huge and intimidating man, was gentle and protective of Naruto. His easy arm around Naruto would ensure that lustful hopefuls would back off. He was a wonderful source of security, his massive form sheltering Naruto wherever they went. Naruto had even come to enjoy hugs from Zabuza!

 

They had taken to accompanying Naruto everywhere, all the time. They would spend breaks together, weekends out and gym at night.

 

Though sometimes, Haku and Zabuza were pretty intense and intimate when Naruto was around. Zabuza was surprisingly affectionate. Touching Haku and smothering him in Zabuza’s arms. And sometimes Haku would shower Zabuza with tiny kisses.

 

And Naruto thought he would feel like a third wheel and feel compelled to train his eyes elsewhere; he was even prepared for it. But Haku and Zabuza never left Naruto out. Haku would sometimes kiss Naruto’s cheek and hold his hand, smiling up at Naruto as sweetly as he would at Zabuza. Zabuza would pull Naruto into Zabuza with an intimate hand running up and down Naruto’s side, steady, warm, comforting. They never let Naruto feel left out.

 

Sometimes Naruto wondered if maybe Haku was being serious when he expressed his and Zabuza’s interest in Naruto beyond friendship.

 

And Naruto was vulnerable. So he knew better than to fall for the couple.

 

But three weeks post-break-up, and Naruto was just about ready to cry himself a fucking river because Sasuke was prowling out and about, messing with Naruto again.

 

At the school quad where the couple and Naruto decided to enjoy late spring afternoon, Naruto threw his hands up in the air and flopped on his back. Unbidden, tears started leaking from his eyes.

 

Alarmed, Haku knelt over Naruto. But it was a worried Zabuza who pulled Naruto up and dragged him to lean against Zabuza’s chest.

 

“Naruto, what’s wrong?” Zabuza asked. Zabuza pet his blond locks while Haku cuddled up to Naruto. Haku cast a minute glare across the field where Sasuke was show-boating with his harem.

 

Naruto quietly sob-grumbled. He covered his eyes with a hand, just as his other embraced Haku for a cuddle. He hadn’t shifted from the weirdly intimate position he was in, sand-whiched between Zabuza and Haku.

 

“I don’t know anymore. He’s - I left because I didn’t want to fall before it was too late, but… I think I already did?”

 

Haku climbed up higher on Naruto and laid sweet kisses on his tearful eyes. Zabuza crooned softly in his ear.

 

Zabuza sighed. “Naruto. Do you want him back?”

 

Haku speared Zabuza with a look just as Naruto jerked in Zabuza’s hold.

 

“No!”

 

Naruto cast a surreptitious glance at Sasuke.

 

“Maybe? I don’t know. Maybe I just need time. Or. A distraction.”

 

Haku perked and peeped meaningfully at Zabuza. Zabuza shook his head and tried to get Haku to behave.

 

“Distraction?” Haku prompted, ignoring Zabuza.

 

“I guess. Maybe I should go out more. Have some fun? Hit the clubs?” Naruto wondered. “Something with no strings attached - wait, can I even survive that? I just. I need a distraction from Sasuke, is all.”

 

Practically vibrating on Naruto’s lap, Haku meeped and peered pleadingly at Zabuza.

 

Zabuza bit his lip, and paused consideringly. Then, with a nod at Haku, and a brief nuzzle on Naruto’s cheek, he offered quietly, in Naruto’s ear, “We could do that.”

 

Naruto, who was too busy admiring the tilt of Sasuke’s smirk and the sway of his hips as Sasuke walked away was pulled back from his preoccupation. Curiously, he tilted his head on Zabuza’s shoulder to look up at him.

 

“What - but you hate loud places? Or, you’d introduce me to someone maybe?”

 

Haku slapped a fine-boned hand on Naruto’s chest.

 

“Us, Naruto, _Zabuza and me_!” And with no warning whatsoever, Haku straddled Naruto properly and leaned in to lick at Naruto’s lips and peck a kiss on his nose.

 

Naruto’s eyebrows were way past his hairline in surprise and realized he couldn’t even find it in him to move away.

 

Zabuza held both Naruto and Haku closer to him between his legs. He rumbled out a purr. He nipped down Naruto’s strong neck.

 

“What do you think, Naru?” Zabuza’s hands wandered down Naruto’s waist and lower to caress the firm insides of Naruto’s denim clad thighs. Haku shifted his weight atop Naruto’s lap to permit the movement. Haku twined his arms behind Zabuza’s head, trapping Naruto some more between them.

 

Naruto was blushing to the tips of his ears and was floored.

 

Haku - and Zabuza?

 

A Haku-Zabuza sandwhich with _Naruto_ in the middle?

 

Naruto whimpered. Haku gasped delightedly and ground down on Naruto’s pelvis.

 

“ _Naruuuu_ , what’s _this_? Are you happy to see me or is that something else in your pocket?”

 

Zabuza paused in his appreciation of Naruto’s strong neck to peer down at where Haku was shamelessly grinding little tight circles down on Naruto.

 

Zabuza let out a rather shark-like grin. “Nice,” Zabuza complemented the growing bulge.

 

Naruto trembled. He was a little embarrassed but mostly turned on.

 

Sheepishly, Naruto stuttered out a token protest.

 

“Uh, I… um, I’m not…. This is my first time?”

 

Zabuza and Haku took a second to admire the charming flush on Naruto’s cheeks.

 

“I mean… I’m not _that_ experienced - and…. I’veneverbeeninathreesome? Howdoesthatwork??”

 

Haku threw his head back and laughed uproariously - but still maintaining that delicate air, Naruto noticed - and pressed butterfly kisses all over Naruto’s face.

 

“Us neither, Naru! We’re not some sexual predators!”

 

Zabuza chuckled lowly. “We just like you. This would be our first threesome, too, you know.”

 

“Oh,” Naruto replied smartly.

 

Then Zabuza took hold of Naruto’s chin and gave a slow, sweet, but deep kiss that had Naruto closing his eyes in pleasure. When Zabuza released Naruto, Naruto opened his eyes to stare dumbfounded up at Zabuza. Haku took that chance to lay his own sweet, but playful kiss.

 

Zabuza growled lowly, and Naruto could feel something firm and large softly grinding on Naruto’s lower back. Naruto’s blush intensified until all he could do was cling to Haku’s hips and hide his face in Haku’s chest.

 

Zabuza nipped Naruto’s nape. “We’d take care of you, Naruto,” Zabuza coaxed.

 

“Come home with us, Naruto?” Haku hopefully whispered.

 

“Yes,” Naruto squeaked.  

 

“Yay!” Haku cheered. “Let’s go back to our apartment!”

 

Shamelessly, Haku clung to Naruto with his legs around Naruto’s waist and demanded that Naruto’s first act as as his lover was to carry Haku all the way to their apartment complex (which wasn’t that far,) in front of the whole school.

 

Zabuza then pronounced that Naruto’s first act as _his_ lover was to let Zabuza carry their bags and escort Naruto to their apartment. _But with full access to Naruto’s butt_.

 

Naruto nearly dropped Haku in his mirth. Haku and Zabuza were surprisingly ridiculous!

 

“I want the school to see how strong you are, Naru!” Haku prevaricated.

 

“I want to hold your butt,” Zabuza baldly claimed.

 

And Naruto, overwhelmed, but happy for the first time in days, allowed it.

 

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

 

_“Woah, sexy!”_

 

Sasuke was about to smugly thank the person when he noticed the person wasn’t even looking at him, but instead down at his phone with a bunch of his friends. His posse was not loud enough to shield him from the group of students on the other side of his desk.

 

Sasuke frowned. Whatever. Losers were probably watching porn or something.

 

_“I can’t believe it! This is…. really surprisingly hot.”_

 

Sasuke’s lips were twisted in an irritated frown. The losers were growing in number, forming a larger group beside him.

 

_“Never thought Zabuza was the sharing type!”_

 

Sasuke’s thoughts screeched to a halt. _Zabuza_ ? The man who would always lay a proprietary arm around Naruto? _That_ Zabuza? Sasuke had a bad feeling about this.

 

Sasuke stood from his perch and stalked towards the group to see what was going on.

 

_“Sweet. Look at them go!”_

 

 _“That Haku’s gonna get the ride of his life, I bet! Man, I wish they’d ride_ me _. Think they go for vajay-jays?”_

 

_“Woah, woah, look, Zabuza’s got his hand in Naruto’s pants!”_

 

Someone started panting heavily just before he started shrieking. _“Oh. My. God. Haku’s pants are getting off and Naruto’s - wow!”_

 

Suddenly enraged, Sasuke shoved his way to the kid holding up his phone for everyone to see -

 

Sasuke paled. _No. No way._ Sasuke lifted a shaking hand towards the phone but made no move to snag it.

 

In the small screen were Zabuza, Haku, and _Naruto_ , obviously distracted as someone secretly filmed them getting hot and heavy against the door of some apartment.

 

Haku was being held up effortlessly by Naruto’s strong arms against the door, Naruto’s hands were tugging at Haku’s pants and underwear until Haku’s pale ass was finally free as Haku ground wildly down on Naruto with a mischievous smile on his lips. Zabuza was caging them in as he made out with Naruto; his hips grinding on Naruto’s pert ass while his large, broad hand unmade Naruto’s pants to slide in and grip _something_ with sure, and fast movements.

 

The video was no longer than 15 seconds and ended with Naruto finally managing to blindly open the door and the trio stumbling in, giggling all the while.

 

Then the clip replayed itself.

 

Then again.

 

The group around Sasuke had fallen into silence when they realized who exactly was watching the video with them.

 

Was… was Naruto _drunk_? No. The Naruto in the clip was sober; giggly, yes, but sober and aware.

 

Naruto wasn’t the type to sleep around. Before Sasuke, Naruto could count all his lovers on one hand. When he was with Sasuke, Naruto held no one else.

 

Sasuke watched again as Zabuza’s muscled arms embraced Naruto, as Haku’s pink lips teased and danced across Naruto’s skin.

 

This wasn’t fair.

 

Was Naruto moving on?

 

Sasuke stared dumbly. A dull ache developed under his sternum.

 

Concerned, a classmate touched Sasuke’s arm. “Sasuke, are you - “

 

Sasuke slapped the hand away and snarled at the well-meaning classmate.

 

_“Don’t touch me!”_

 

Sasuke turned to scoop his things into his bag and storm out the classroom before class started.

 

Sasuke was… Sasuke was stunned.

 

Sasuke remembered the note Naruto had left the last time they saw each other.

 _No_ , Sasuke thought. _I mean so much more to Naruto, he said so._

 

Sasuke’s nostrils flared in fury. Then a cruel smirk made it’s way on Sasuke’s lips.

 

_It’s not real. This must be a ploy._

 

Sasuke made his way to his condo. He ignored the dull ache still present in his chest, or the strange burning sensation behind his eyes and the resulting blurring of his vision. He ignored friendly calls and invitations to eat out, to have some fun. He felt a bit too much like there was lead in his heart; or like his heart was being skewered.

 

Besides, he needed to focus on his next move.

**Author's Note:**

> Was this supposed to be a Naru/Sasu fic, or was it a Naru/Haku/Zabu fic? Shit, I dunno. It just wrote itself.


End file.
